A Mother’s Reflection

Before I get to Lawson’s First Day Pictures and Cailyn’s 6 month update I want to document something.  Lord knows, I am going to cry writing this but I want to get this off my chest.  I am so unbelievably proud of my Lawson. If you have read this blog, know Lawson, you know she is a pretty special young girl. She is smart, funny, loving, observant, and extra sensitive, but she is by definition a spirited child.  Let me give you an example which describes Lawson to a T

Profound statements roll from his/her mouth, much too mature and intellectual for a child his/her age. He remembers experiences you’ve long since forgotten and drags you to the window to watch the raindrops, falling like diamonds from the sky. On the good days being the parent of a spirited child is astounding, dumbfounding, wonderful, funny, interesting, and interspersed with moments of brilliance.

The dreadful days are another story. On those days you’re not sure you can face another twenty-four house with him/her. It is hard to feel good as a parent when you can’t get his/her socks on, when every word you’ve said to him/her has been a reprimand…

You feel weary, drained, and much too old for this even if you were only in your twenties when your child was born.  --Raising the Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

This is a small example of what is is like raising a Spirited Child.  It is hard yet rewarding at the same time.  I have described on this blog some of my ups and downs with Lawson.  Like last summer I poured my heart out about Lawson Spreading Her Wings and how I was a little too excited about her spending some time away… There seem to be too many moments I am not very proud of my behavior as her mom.  She really has deserved better then I have behaved at times but it is a learning process. 

Now, as I reflect I can tell you I might be getting it… I would like to think we are beginning to understand each other (and how similar we really are).  That doesn’t mean there are not hiccups but recently we have just clicked.  This summer has been FANTASTIC!!  For the most part, everything has just gone very smoothly.  I have enjoyed her company rather then thought…what is she going to do next?  How am I going to convince her to do X?  How over-the-top is she going to make this?  It has just been pleasant.  We have not gone on a family vacation, or done anything over-the-top exciting, (she would argue that she went to visit both sets of grandparents and had the best time) this really has been the BEST summer. Now that she is back in school I am selfishly so sad because unlike last year, I don’t want her to go.  I have LOVED having her around and I am going to miss her so much!!  Please do not get me wrong, I love having Lawson around regardless, it is just so much MORE fun when you are not dealing with attitudes, sassiness, and confrontation from a 6 year old.  If you can imagine it is exhausting! 

Well, my baby is growing up and I will never hold her back she is who she is and I love everything about her.  She is my big girl starting the First Grade and I am bursting at the seams proud of her. I do not know what the future holds for us, I just know I am going to continue to try to be the best mom to Lawson possible and continue to be the mom she needs me to be! 

Lawson when you read this one day, know I love you with ALL MY HEART and I love you just the way you are.  Some days I am better at this mothering thing then others but I am trying the best I can.  Thank you for your forgiving and loving heart.  You are and will always will be my baby!!